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Friday 27 November 2009

death
Just what do you say to someone when they tell you they are dying of cancer - this is my predicament, as a neighbour has announced her imminent death!
Frankly I am amazed at her courage and bravery, but also I have been shocked at the speed of her demise in the last few months. She is a shadow of her former self, and has been a joyous member of our community for many years - an inspiration and mentor to most.
Lets not dismiss her before the end of her journey... we need to offer care and support without attitude, we need to be there for her without judgment, and I am sure we will continue to learn by her example.
I suppose it is true, that we don't always fully appreciate someone until we have lost them - remember those failed relationships, but this is inevitable, beyond our control, so we have to accept without question the laws of nature - birth and death.
When the time comes, and her journey ends, we must be sure we did all we could... Let us share this unique experience of "knowing" and spend time with her while we can.
One day it will be our turn.

Wednesday 25 November 2009

one stillness
Today is the day when organisers hope for one million minutes of stillness for the planet. I support this concept, and hope you will join me for some quiet time. It need only be a minute, but preferably longer. However if this is your first time, that's OK, and welcome.
You probably already feel that the world is rushing by you, at too fast a space, and maybe you wish it could stop and let you "get off". Well you "can..." All you need is the courage to take a step sideways, not backwards. You need to be positive about this - it will make a difference to your life now and later. You'll see!
In London the central event will be at St Martin in the Fields Church in Trafalgar Square. Many places for quiet and meditation will be open to others from early on. The core time is from 10am until ten past, but one can be still - alone or with others at any time. This is much more than the traditional "two minute's silence" like you get at the Remembrance Festival - more a time for silent thought, meditation or prayer - time to stop, listen, think and be part of the world, whilst taking time out.
Members of all races, creeds and faiths are taking part, and school children may experience their first ever period of quiet. It helps us all to focus on ourselves, and those around us. We can feel that togetherness, which some say has been lost in this time of madness... the recession, global warming, wars, conflicts, greed and hatred.
Try some quiet time, and feel the effect.

Monday 23 November 2009

postage due
Gone are the days when you knew your friendly postman by name. He probably called at roughly the same time each morning, and again later in the day. Then if there was insufficient postage, he would most likely ignore it, or if a zealous clerk at the local sorting office had spotted it, he might apply a stamp, similar to one of the above examples, stating how much extra was due. This would have been collected by the postman - but not today...
When sending a Hugo fridge magnet to a friend, I carefully placed it in a small lightweight padded envelope, together with a short covering letter. I believe I may have stuck a single first class stamp on the envelope, thinking this would be sufficient. I think a first class stamps is worth 37p. Surely this would be enough? The packet seemed to weigh nothing at all, but I suppose I took a chance, and yes, they were charged the extra postage and a £1 penalty. This had to be paid at their local sorting office and collected from there as well - which was the major inconvenience for them.
When I had enquired whether the item had arrived, I was told the awful truth, and how embarrassing, when you wish to send a gift, and this happens. I immediately offered to refund the charge, but this was graciously declined. I felt such a fool, and I contritely vowed never to take a chance again, so from now no its down to the Post Office - probably in the local W H Smith store, and get it weighed properly before posting.
See you in the queue!

Sunday 22 November 2009

extravagance
A wet Saturday afternoon, five weeks before Christmas is not the time to go shopping at a supermarket, but I gratefully accepted a lift in a friend's car for much needed provisions. Actually we parked fairly easily, and made our way across the dim car park, to the brightly lit store. As usual, there were no smaller trolleys, and the bigger ones are so deep, it is difficult to place goods in, and then remove them at the checkout. Perhaps the supermarket owners think we will will spend more with the big trolleys?
I knew it was busy when I saw the number of cars in the car park, but wow, when entering the store it seemed like an airport terminal where the flights had been suspended - hoards of people with (large) trolleys, queues for everything, and no where to go. Every aisle was crammed with shoppers and staff replenishing stock. I had my list in my hand, and vowed to stick to it, because of the conditions. They did not have any suitable DVD shelving, no matching light bulb, and were unable to cut a spare key - a great start, but I did purchase some Christmas goodies that I needed as presents. Past experience has taught me that these sorts of things sell out early.
What recession, I am asking myself...?
Eventually I get to the checkout, and wait patiently for the previous couple to finish, pack and pay. What, I thought, what...? When their total was announced - nearly £200, and the trolley wasn't full. I couldn't see any high priced items, and not much alcohol, so I don't know how it came to that much. Needless to say it was paid by credit card, and off they went - with cash back as well.
Now it was my turn, and I gathered my modest purchases into my recycled bags, and paid with a couple of notes, but I had to then lower the heavy bags back into the deep trolley - great!
Even if I had the cash, I would find it so difficult to spend such vast amounts on food and household items. I know I live alone, but families are supposed to be smaller nowadays, and is this the sort of money people spend every week? Unbelievable.

Saturday 21 November 2009

waking up
You will know of my poor sleep patterns, so I am sure you will understand that when the phone rang early yesterday morning, I chose to ignore it. A typical night - I had been up twice, and this early morning sleep was actually "late" probably from 0700 onwards. As I didn't have to be anywhere until late morning, I had returned to a warm bed (electric blanket) for a sleep top-up, as is often the case. I quickly settled into a relaxing state of suspended consciousness. At some stage I heard the ringing of the telephone in the front room, but it quickly diverted to the answer phone, so I was able to ignore the interruption, although part of me was thinking I should get up and investigate. However I didn't, although from that point on, I don't think I slept as soundly as I would liked to have.
Eventually I got up, it was light, and turned out be around 10am. After the usual visit, I checked the answer phone, while the kettle was boiling, and discovered my elderly friend and neighbour had phoned an SOS message. Oh dear! I returned the call, and said I would be there in a few minutes. While I was dressing, I slurped the very hot mug of tea, and managed to get to his place within 15 minutes. He was in bed (I have a door key) and feeling very poorly. This time it was his back, and he was unable to move (much). After a chat we decided to call the Doctor, who could visit by 12 noon. I gave him some water to sip, some painkillers, and lots of TLC. I waited with him until the Doc arrived, but he diminished the situation, and said to continue with the tablets he already had, without any real explanation - did he really know?
Well, that was a relief, as I had imagined all sorts of things. His walking is already very bad, and I thought he may be bedridden from that moment on. As he settled back in bed, to sleep, I left him, promising to return two hours later, which I did.
Perhaps, in future I had better answer that phone, in case it is you ringing me?

Wednesday 18 November 2009

unmentionable
The reality of the event has struck home as I start using the NHS bowel cancer screening test kit. Because I am a gentleman of a certain age I have been invited to join the cancer screening programme, and when the introductory letter arrived, I simply thought, what a good idea... without realising the full implications! I scanned through the letter, and put it aside as one does.
The aim of the screening programme is to detect bowel cancer at an early stage, when there are better chances of successful treatment and cure. This is happening all over England, so obviously a very worthwhile exercise.
When the kit arrived, and I read the instructions, I was a bit taken aback at what I was reading - would I really have to do all this. At first it seemed a complicated process, but re-reading simplified the process. It would have to be completed within two weeks, once started, and consists of samples taken from three separate motions. OK, but stools are not permitted to drop into the bowel, so guess what, one has to catch it and then take two small samples which are smeared onto the test card. In theory it sounds alright, if you can overcome the natural distaste for such a procedure.
The worst part is that you need at least three hands, and all this while your knickers are around your ankles - the most undignified part?
Small disposable cardboard sticks are provided to collect and spread the "sample" but they cannot be flushed away afterwards, and then how do you protect yourself while you catch it in mid air? I use a disposable rubber glove, which can be washed and binned, but again not put down the loo.
I suppose it will get easier? Only two more motions to go!
Postscript: Normal result!

Sunday 15 November 2009

Greenwich
Enjoyed a rare outing to London to meet a friend, and take a risky boat trip to Greenwich. I say "risky" because of the high winds and torrential rain that battered most of England yesterday. However on the twin hull Clipper Cruiser (catamaran) we were very comfortable, and sped between the many piers. This is purely a boat service, so there is no inane commentary from some pseudo Cockney, making fun of individuals and institutions. The almost empty craft was warm and had comfortable seats. Coffee was available, and the crew and staff were very efficient and friendly. I chatted to a smart young Gareth about the year round service, and he told me how expensive it was to run these boats because of bureaucracy - hope he didn't want a tip! They have perfected the arrivals and departures with the minimum of delay to passengers. Tickets were discounted if one had a Travel card, and it was an enjoyable experience, especially with the large panoramic windows.
My pic was taken at Greenwich pier as we arrived, and this was a very brief sunny interval between increasingly heavier showers throughout the day. I have to say as the day wore on, it did become rather uncomfortable, so we returned to central London - and home, a little earlier than usual. Our lunch in a small friendly cafe, just near the Market, provided an excellent break, with very good service. We will go there again. The craft Market is a delight to visit, with so many creative ideas and skills. I wish I could have bought more.
We wandered around some local streets, and found another market area closed for redevelopment. Although the town is what I would describe as "...faded elegance" it is very historic, and interesting to see. On a fine day, walk up the hill through Greenwich Park towards the Observatory. The Park is the main start for the annual London Marathon.
I just wish it had been drier, but altogether a great day out.

Friday 13 November 2009

winter sun
Seduced by the weather forecast, I ventured out hoping to enjoy the winter sunshine at Whipsnade Zoo, but I was let down, and the best it could offer was a very watery version without any warmth at all. However I was there, and using my new membership card for the first time, I was going to make the best of it. I have to say many animals were looking a bit down as well, but the Siberian tiger, resting conveniently close to the wire fence, posed for my picture, but avoided eye contact.
The zoo was pretty much deserted, and many facilities were closed. There was a large group of (presumably local) mums and toddlers, who made the usual racket in the cafeteria. I saw a lot of maintenance in progress, and a railway locomotive being taken away on the back of a lorry. The daily feeding is always in progress, and little creatures are running wild even on the roads with traffic. Quite delightful.
Like most of the zoo residents, we are all looking forward to the warmer weather.

Thursday 12 November 2009

quiet please
De cluttering is done, and an enormous load of stuff has been delivered to the local charity shop. My bedroom is now the haven of peace I so desire. The PC, desk, and storage has gone, so the room is almost "empty" but what an incredible feeling there is now. I have established a small collection of significant items which previously were scattered - so here is my sacred space, which will help me focus on the important daily issues.
The living room of course is full of things from the bedroom, but being a bigger room can take it. This is my chance to really get control of my life again. Firstly I must find out where everything is - that will take a time. I am hoping that when that is done, I can keep in control of my every day affairs, so getting things done before they expire, and not missing events. Just being able to put my hand on things quickly will be a great joy. I recommend this process to all. You cannot know how good it feels until you have done it. I've done it many times before, and every time it gets better!
Viewings are by invitation only...

Tuesday 10 November 2009

simplify
The harsh reality of homecoming is setting in, as I desperately try to organise myself. This time the unpacking is taking forever as I am trying to declutter and reorganise at the same time. I am moving things from room to room, with more on the floor in the middle. This means it is taking much longer to navigate my small home, and is frustrating. If my knee was less painful it would help. There are times when I can no longer stand, or bend - even putting my socks on can be hard. Until I get the result of the xray I am wondering and worrying about all sorts of possibilities. In the meantime I am taking painkillers to help manage the condition. Later a friend is calling round to help move some heavy items.
I am trying to move my desk and storage from the bedroom, so that it can become a haven of peace. The trouble is there is only one other room, and that means sacrificing the social area. I intend to entertain much less, with smaller groups, less often. I am looking inward more... yes, I know that can be a bad thing, but this is very controlled and for my own good. Net curtains have arrived at the front room window, for the first time, so that instead of living the goldfish lifestyle, I can be more private.
People have quickly noticed the change, and have said they will miss the drop-in welcome. The neighbours are wondering why the curtains have appeared and I expect they are imagining all sorts of things!
I had a lovely welcome home last night with a trip out for food shopping, then a meal afterwards at a favourite local eatery, where the hosts always provide a good welcome, and good food. Thank you.
Meanwhile, where did I put that...

Monday 9 November 2009

free spirit
To appreciate this blog, you need to read the one below first.
I couldn't get back to Mount Edgcumbe House and Park until Saturday morning - two days after my life changing experience on Thursday. I was anxious and nervous at what I might find, and I did not know what I would say to her when we met again. The gift shop was my first port of call, and as before the door was ajar, but I could not see anyone through the glass windows as I tentatively approached. An older woman appeared as I entered and said Hello, but I had not seen her before. I wandered around the small shop, and eventually plucked up courage to ask this person who I took to be the Manager because of her authoritative air, whether the young woman I had seen on Thursday was around. Surprised, she said that because it was the winter season she worked there alone, and yes she was the Manager. I described how I had seen her sweeping the wooden floor, but she denied that was possible as they always used a large mop. She assured me that she was alone and had been there all day last Thursday. She must have thought me "strange" for asking all those questions. Stunned... I thanked her, and retreated to the next door cafe - mystified.
My mind was in turmoil. How could I have witnessed this "Biblical" act of sweeping, when there was no one there? Who was this "person" I had seen, spoken to, and been so affected by. I regretted not having been able to call back sooner, but that wouldn't have made any difference in the circumstances, would it?
With a feeling of reluctant acceptance, I lingered over my cappuccino, and watched the hot steam rise into the air - with it went my "prayer" to this vision of love, peace and understanding - that I too may be like her, and how I mean to continue my pilgrimage through life, spurred on by my very brief but meaningful contact with her.
I have been so fortunate to share that moment, and my life can never be the same again. I intend that this will never have been a wasted moment.
Postscript: A close (Christian) friend could offer no explanation for this experience, but she did note that the Manager had said she was there all day, so how odd that my contact with the unknown woman occurred simultaneously. Also, that she waited for me to return after my coffee. Strange.

Friday 6 November 2009

Mount Edgcumbe
It was just 11am, and I entered the open door to the empty gift shop... and there she was - earnestly sweeping the wooden floor, and as she looked up we exchanged greetings. She seemed friendly, and I asked about opening times for the property. I would say that she was a plain girl - actually a young woman of probably thirty something, little makeup, fairly tall, with fair hair and an unidentifiable accent. The house was of course closed, but many parts of the garden were available. We chatted, and she gave me lots of useful info. It was a "love at first sight" moment, and I was obsessed during my coffee and cake in the cafe next door. Immediately, I returned to the gift shop where she was still sweeping, and we chatted some more. Suddenly she paused, then looked deep into my eyes, and said "...Are you on a pilgrimage?" I gasped, and a lump came to my throat. I stumbled with the reply "Life is a pilgrimage. The journey is..." I couldn't say anymore, and still looking intently at me, she replied "I know..." I was taken aback, and tears formed in my eyes. I had to look away with pure emotion filling my heart. Is this a vision of the Blessed Virgin Mary, or another saint - will this place become a spiritual centre for pilgrims and healing. Was this my guardian angel visiting me? If I looked back would she have disappeared. This was a magic moment I was experiencing, and I had to wonder if it was real. Was this a message I should take note of, and am I meant to do something better with my life? Could it be my soul sister from a parallel universe, where time has collided for a nano second, or was it just two friendly people meeting in a shop?
Moments later I had partially recovered, graciously thanked her, and said goodbye. I turned and waved from the doorway. She reciprocated.
My Cornish journey had taken on a new significance...
Read the follow up above.

Thursday 5 November 2009
a few more photos

Is it Milan
No, but it could be the "Milan" of Cornwall. I walked down the gentle gradient from the train station at Truro, and once I got to the National Trust shop, I knew I was in the right place - the middle class "Mecca" of the West Country. As with all Cathedral cities, there is an historic air of culture, style and grace, and Truro has it all. Even college students arriving on the same train, wore vibrant colours and chatted intelligently. Their purposeful quest for further education shone through, and they strode out from the station towards their place of learning - via Subway the "McDonald's" of the middle class.
I've been before, and always enjoy my time here. I can revisit favourite shops, cafes and of course the Cathedral, which is just so fabulous. The three spires rise high suddenly from the narrow streets, and being a "smaller" building than some Cathedrals it is quite intimate and friendly. Although they are appealing for millions, the inside of the building seems to be in good condition. I understand the external stonework of the spires is in a near dangerous condition.
Each time I can explore a little further, and discover new treasures, and this time I found a shop called Uneeka in the Lemon Street market. I asked the owner why - he said it was a mixture of "unique" and "Eureka". I approve! They sell everything from lifestyle accessories to furniture. I couldn't resist purchasing two small Christmas presents, and was delighted with my visit.
Everywhere, the city was bustling, just a delight to wander, but never crowded. A myriad of small friendly businesses, where staff will chat - and of course they know what they are selling. A Christian bookshop near the Cathedral was another joy, where the woman discussed Celtic music CDs and suggested a purchase, which I was very pleased with.
You may have noticed I am getting rather "friendly" with madam mannequin above, but I am quite safe as she is 'armless!
A great day out.

Wednesday 4 November 2009

Plymouth
As I emerged from Plymouth train station, I was met with cyclonic weather battering the streets and everyone on them. I had arrived by local stopping train, complete with a miscellaneous assortment of locals. Some to shop, others up to some mischief I am sure. Before we reached the ticket barrier two young males aged around thirty, were calling out for the Buffet - surely a metaphor for a pub and booze? A woman companion with them was shrieking for a toilet. What behaviour in public, I wonder how they are at home. I'm glad I don't live next door.
In times like this I retreat to a suitable haven and indulge in a cappuccino. Thank heavens for Waterstones and Costa upstairs. At least here was some semblance of middle class mediocrity. Albeit the blue rinse brigade, and hen pecked husbands carrying the shopping, and paying the bill. How wonderful that this scene is repeated in every branch of Costa (in a Waterstones) throughout the land. One could never be homesick for long - just pop in for a top up of age old values, sadly missing in most of Plymouth.
The standard of dress is simply shabby - sellers of The Big Issue do a better job. More staggering drunks per square mile than in any other place in the UK. More pasties here than in all of Cornwall. More school age children - out of school, than people on the way to the Job Centre. More stores for shop lifters to operate in, than buses journeying to surrounding council estates. More overweight single mums than rusty BMWs, and enough chips to reach the moon, if laid out in a straight line.
I'd have to go, or be thrown out, but I needed a pair of washing up gloves (no Marigolds here) so I hurried to obtain these, and quickly made my way back to the station, where I had to endure a wait for the two car train. Imagine being crammed in there with all the people I had seen earlier - I pulled my cap down to shield my eyes, and was thankful that the short journey would soon be done. That meant missing the stunning scenery (once past the Plymouth city limits of course) but it was still raining, so I looked forward to a dry return, and another siesta. The best way to cope with all of this.

Tuesday 3 November 2009
more photos in the album

Lanhydrock
An unusual view of Lanhydrock (taken from the Higher Garden), shows the 50 roomed National Trust country house near Bodmin, which I visited in the rain. I just about managed to occupy the short weather window of calm, but still got wet. However for an hour or so I was able to explore the most magnificent grounds, with manicured lawns and a fabulous collection of plants, shrubs and trees.
Being November, most NT houses have just closed for the winter - because of dwindling visitor numbers, damaging winter light and higher humidity, but at least the splendid cafe complete with log fire, and excellent friendly mature waitresses, was open for coffee when I arrived. Also the always splendid NT gift shop, where each one seems to have different and better merchandise. Guess what, I purchased a pin badge!
There were a few Trust members about, mainly in the coffee shop. Most members I've observed seem to speak with a pseudo posh voice, are very middle class and must have upper class aspirations. They are sure to have green wellies and a Chelsea tractor - but not new, as they have probably lost thousands on shares because of the recession. However I did speak to a down to earth family - parents, grandparents and two little ones. I offered to take a group photo which they much appreciated, and then kept meeting them as I toured the garden.
The Higher Garden trail led one around the back of the house, and meandered through peaceful woodland areas. Such a joy even on an overcast (threatening to rain at any moment) sort of day. It was cold as well, and for the first time this winter I got the gloves out, and shook the cobwebs off.
However I was glad to get away, as the previously forecast steady rain was beginning - to continue for the rest of the day. I feel a siesta coming on!

Monday 2 November 2009
more photos

Looe
In spite of high winds and torrential overnight rain, the weather brightened for my trip to Looe to meet a friend and his dog Tiny - seen here with her winter overcoat. She is a loveable little smooth coated Jack Russell Terrier, who enjoys exploring new territories. She was in her element today as this was their first visit to the south Cornish fishing port of Looe, where intriguingly both East and West Looe (divided by the river) once were separate boroughs and had a different MP.
Being a Sunday, and very much out of season, the town was surprisingly busy, and the narrow streets were quite congested. Despite this, cars moved at great speed and one had to be very aware. I felt very responsible for little Tiny who I kept on a lead close to me. We spent our time in East Looe and meandered towards the windswept and deserted sandy beach. During the summer this must be a very busy place. Our first stop for coffee was down a path to a garden cafe, where we sat outside because of the dog. Two overweight and bored teenage girls did a double act when receiving my order at the counter inside the warm cafe, as there were no other customers at the time. They were discussing their conquests of the night before and boasting about how drunk they had become. One wonders how they can afford this indulgence.
We visited the TocH charity book sale, and I bought a reference book about proverbs. The warm sunshine was a delight, and we strolled around for an hour or two entering shops that were open. I purchased another pin badge for my shoulder bag from the RNLI gift shop - is this becoming an obsession I wonder?
A delightful trip, with the added bonus of premium weather - another day of my Cornish adventure.

Sunday 1 November 2009
view online album

Hugo banned

Yes - from the Monkey Sanctuary near Looe in Cornwall. We understood why though, because the man at the gate said the monkeys would go "mad" - with excitement, panic or fear I wondered? It is a very special place, some ten acres of woodland overlooking Looe Bay in south Cornwall. The sort of property you see in the ads of Country Life, when you're in the dentists' waiting room. The place you'd love if you had a few million. It was established over 40 years ago to house rescued monkeys. The one in my photo is a Capuchin monkey - not so handsome as Hugo!
By the way, Hugo is officially a "chimpanzee" - the man at the gate confirmed that. The sanctuary is an informal collection of large enclosures containing an unusual collection of animals. It is not like a zoo, and you may be unlucky and not see any when you visit. It depends how they feel, as they are encouraged to listen to their feelings because most have been badly treated, and are still in traumatic shock from their experiences. See they are almost human! However the keepers I saw, seemed so much more used to animal company than human, as they all had very poor eye contact. It would be rude to comment on their body language. The keepers are a loyal trusted band of workers, many of whom have been there for weeks.
The Gothic house is a listed building, and contains the gift shop, office, animal spaces and a bat cave in the basement... I couldn't find Robin! There is a purpose built vegetarian cafe near the car park. No, they don't sell monkey burgers! There were few visitors, so I was able to enjoy the place at my leisure.
Do go when you get a chance, but they are now closed for the winter.